A Woman Visible

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Thursday, July 27, 2006

Seems Like I Mocked This Idea Once

Ok...way back in February I did a slightly mean-spirited thing. On February 8 (you can check this out in the archives), I mocked the idea of eHarmony and predicted that I would end up being matched with Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons if I ever decided to try eHarmony.

You'd better be sitting down. I actually went to eHarmony last night and coughed up the money to fish in their pond for a month. This has been a decision I've been working up to all summer.

There's this couple in my church that met through eHarmony (they were married last October--should be in the commercials). They sat me down during a church social last month and gave me all the reasons I should do eHarmony. I shared my fears, they shared their hope. I told them I would consider it some more. I really wasn't sure what to do. It scared me. No, they didn't scare me...the thought of putting myself out there scared me. So instead, I considered it, would go to the website, stare and then run for the hills.

What was the final motivation in all of this?

Actually, I'm not sure there was just one. There were many that led to this decision. The first is that there are several eligible men at my church, but they aren't really showing me any interest. They have others that they are interested in. I can't blame them. One in particular has his eyes on a young woman that is not only beautiful but has a spiritual energy that literally lights her space. It makes me happy for him, but he's attractive and nice, and I wish he'd see me instead. He doesn't, so be it. Maybe I'm just not his type.

Another motivation may be that I'm flirting around, but often not with men that are actually able to act on the interpersonal play that is going on. I think I'm doing this in the subconcious thought that if the men can't act on things, I'm safe. I know that's not true, but it's easy to believe this. If I'm expending this much energy on flirting with 'safe' guys, then perhaps it's time to expend that energy on something that will reap an actual payoff (no, I don't mean sex).

Like my friend Don pointed out recently, "things don't just happen." I think I'm flirting because I'm gaining a bit of confidence back and want to try it on for size. I also am keeping this "things don't just happen" in mind to refrain from making some serious mistakes. (Thanks, Don).

Finally, I just want to try this. Tommi and Ken made me see that this is not a bad thing. I may not find my soul mate, or next husband, or anything--but I might get to meet some nice people and have some chances to go out and have some good experiences. If nothing else, it will get me out of the house for more than work, school, and music lessons.

I've already made contact with one guy. Say your prayer--who knows, I might be going out soon!


  • At 11:07 AM, Blogger Willena said…

    I know exactly what you are going through. I joined Match.com...at exactly the wrong time in my life. At a time when I was overburdened with grad school and work. Self-sabotage, much? I think next time I'll join e-Harmony. I like the fact they emphasize they really try to ask a lot about you to help with the match-ups.

    I understand about courage and being afraid to be out there. I REALLY understand about flirting with the wrong guys. Latest? 21 years old. Of course, I don't tell people how old I am, but 21--it would be a VERY bad idea to date a 21 year old. Until I let him know that I was older than (ahem) 30, he was getting interested. Of course, I didn't realize that he was 21 years old. I thought he was a little older than that.

    But younger men are safe to flirt with. I know that it's not going to go anywhere. Men my own age? I get tongue-tied. I seem to come across as the village idiot. What is wrong with me?


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