A Woman Visible

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Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Anyone for a Little Coffee?

Gather around, girls (ok, guys are invited too), grab your cups and let's talk.

This week's "Coffee Klatch Discussion" stems from something I've been thinking about since last week. A new friend of mine and I were talking last week, and we discovered that we have the same taste in men. What allowed us to make this discovery is the joint admission that we had a crush on a mutual acquaintance for a lot of the same reasons. I felt validated that someone else valued this man, but I also felt a bit silly. A crush? It's admissions like this that make me sense that twelve year old girl that I know lives inside me making herself known.

I've had crushes off and on all my life. As outgoing as I seem in real life, there's a part of me that goes all silent and a bit scared when it comes to addressing my feelings for a man that may or may not acknowledge my existence. I know, you're waiting for my question. "Jess, where are you going with this? This isn't a whinefest is it? Isn't that what your third blog is for?" The answers are 1) I am leading to this week's question. 2) No, this isn't a "poor, pitiful, single Jess" entry. 3) Yes, whining is what my third blog is for, and I promise this will not lead to me wallowing in my own ridiculousness.

Here's the question, for your approval, and hopefully, your response.

Coffee Klatch Discussion Question #2:

Have you had an "adult crush?" What did you do about it? Also do you feel that there is an age when having a crush is a bit ridiculous?

Here's my answer:

Like I said before, I have had several "adult crushes." What I find most frustrating is that I see other women just step up and either voice their attraction openly, or go on what I call "hot pursuit," but I'm not so bold. I feel silly because I'm bold in other areas of my life, just not this part of my life. So, I usually don't do anything about the crush except suffer with the idea that I'm crazy about this person, but I don't have a clue what they think of me. Then I create a whole idea that maybe they don't see me at all, thus the whole invisibility thing I'm trying to get past. It's a vicious cycle really. In the last year, I've had three crushes, and how many of them know how I feel--you got it, zero! They are all fine, great guys, but I just didn't have the guts to say or do anymore than be nice. That's how I deal with this sort of thing--I just be nice.

Honestly, I don't feel that a crush at any age is ridiculous. You feel what you feel. I am beginning to learn it's really about what you will do with those feelings that count. If you stew in your little crush, then maybe it's not so healthy. I think that when you do that, you miss the boat so to speak. What's the worst that could happen? Oh yeah, they could say something like, "No way." But is that really so awful? Can't we revel in the fact that we were bold? I think the answer is "Yes." So raise your cups, take a sip (who put rum in this coffee?), and go out and be a bit bolder. Maybe the rum in the coffee will help.

Disclaimer: Let it be known that all readers are welcome to comment in the Coffee Klatch. While I do tend to aim toward a female audience, male participation is encouraged and welcomed. Simply add a comment here in the comment box, or comment on your blog and then leave a link to share your thoughts with the rest of the known (and unknown) universe. My only request is that you keep it clean and on topic.


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